January

There is a reason I spend New Year’s Eve alone. No, it isn’t just like any other night. I don’t care what you say, New Year’s Eve is special. NYE may just be the only global holiday as our calendar is considered throughout all religions, all cultures, and all ages. But back to why I spend it solo…

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I don’t spend it alone because I grew up disappointed by the holiday and became bitter and resentful. I have wonderful New Year’s memories: a 3 hour maple-syrup induced Iron Chef party, a bonfire in the snow under the stars in the country with my most loved-ones, and a concert at Radio City in New York counting down to midnight. I cherish these memories deeply, and because of them I know that the ever-elusive, perfect New Year’s does in fact exist.

It’s these memories that keep me hopeful to find that perfect niche of friends, with or without partner, to make these memories with once again. But until then, I am perfectly happy spending it by my lonesome, with Times Square and a ball dropping without the pressure to force myself to have the best time of the year. I know that if I take away expectation, there is little room for disappointment, and by ruling out plans altogether I am confiding in myself that I alone am satisfactory.

They say you spend the rest of your year the same way you spend it ringing in the new one, so if this is true and I have only myself to count on and provide for the rest of the year I am quite comfortable until I find someone I trust enough to make that commitment to. So maybe I’m a bit superstitious, but as I said at the beginning, NYE is special. It’s important. I’d rather be at home on my own with chocolate covered coffee beans than with the wrong people looking toward the future.

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Everything moves slower in January. I hate January. It just doesn’t make sense how I could love the end of December so much and then simultaneously despise the period immediately two weeks later. You’d think at least some of the joy would carry over. But no: January is very cold, very dark, and extremely long.

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Just kidding. I’m going to stay in the same crippling and self-detrimental habits until I die of stubbornness of refusing to give up my (even if actually currently limited) quality of life. Haha. That’s not funny. Oh well. I guess I have the year to work on my darkened sense of humour and try to lighten up a bit. Make sure you don’t forget to have fun. I promise I will try, too. We are herded into an adult life to make money and pay bills and have responsibilities but if there is one thing I want you all to keep in mind this year is spend your time, money, energy, on enjoying yourself. Because before you know it you won’t have the same freedoms to spare and the memories truly make a lifetime worth living.

With a big New Year’s kiss,

XX

Ashlinn

 

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