I literally just can’t with some people. Not today. Have you ever had those days where everyone seems to have an opinion? a criticism? a downright disapproval of you? I do think there is some validity in this. If everyone is telling you the dress is blue and black, and you still insist that it’s white and gold, then maybe you need to open your mind a bit, and likewise, if people are bringing up some of your behaviours or reactions as problematic then maybe it’s time to take a good look in the mirror and reevaluate.
Relationships are tough, especially when circumstances and experiences have made you the way that you are and made you that way for a reason. Maybe it’s a defence mechanism for anger and frustration, maybe it’s a coping skill from pain and suffering, maybe it’s a denial to protect yourself. I’m not saying that this exempts you from self-examination and reflection. We all have to do our own work on ourselves to become better people and have successful relationships, but some relationships — even important ones — are unhealthy. I have committed to a life of less negativity and focusing on the present and future to better myself, and as we all change and grow, as it has been since birth, sometimes long-standing and primary relationships don’t stand the change.
- Sometimes you just have to let go. Fill your days with things that keep you happy and positive. There aren’t a lot of people who deserve your peace of mind. There will be those special people whom you become very close to, and it can be tough to disengage from these things. If it keeps you waking up upset, distracted all day, and hard to fall asleep, it’s costing you too much time and energy. Try to distract yourself with something you enjoy and focus on making yourself feel good. After all you are your own best friend and it is nobody’s responsibility to save you but yourself. You are your #1, ALWAYS, and it is important to make sure we are putting ourselves first and doing what most puts us at ease.
2. It’s not easy, it might be the hardest thing for some people. Especially when these people have been our pillars, our go-tos in times of need. But if you ever start questioning yourself based on what someone is telling you to believe, or that your feelings are somehow wrong, my darlings, that’s when it’s time to take a step back. When you feel relief after a conversation ends? That’s a big indication that someone in your life is bringing you down. If someone makes you so mad that you can’t handle it and brings out the worst in you? That’s when you have to say, okay, what is this doing to me and how is this affecting me?
3. Say no. Just say no! Bad influences in your life? Wake up regretting yesterday? Distance from anyone who makes you question your integrity is the best remedy. It’s fine to turn down a group “hang” if someone you don’t like is going, or sit out that birthday party because you don’t want to be in the same room as so-and-so. There are other ways to make up for it. Take birthday person out for a tête-à-tête, see your pals one-on-one. I for one hate group things on a sliding-scale proportionate to how big the group thing is. No is the most powerful two letters I have ever learnt to say.
4. It’s some kind of law of physics. or chemistry? or something! that if you keep spending your energy on bad things you’ll never have time for the good ones. You have to make room for that person in your schedules from work/school/wherever who you think is really nice but haven’t thought to get to know yet. You have to rid yourself of the bad, a kind of cleansing, if you are ever going to get somewhere healthier. And maybe it happens simultaneously. Maybe you put some feelers out there and slowly put less and less energy into the people that bring you down and surround yourself with people who make you feel good. After all, nothing changes if nothing changes, but your current situation is not your final destination, so put yourself out there!
5. This is a FACT. As much as I have a hard time believing it. You are not someone’s life-line. You are nobody’s rescuer and it is not your responsibility to save ANYONE. I don’t care how much they love-bomb you or how redeeming some of their qualities are. You CANNOT, and SHOULD NOT, do the work for anybody else. Everyone is responsible for themselves and their own situations, and this doesn’t mean we throw kindness or empathy out the window but you have to detach from those who are constantly in the cycle of negativity and expect you to get them out of it, or keep hearing about it, or give them some kind of explanation for it. Yes circumstances can be outstanding, but if that person isn’t putting the same effort that you are to help them, than they are putting into helping themselves, then step back, and walk away.
Easier said than done, right?! Yeah… totally. Maybe watch a comedy, go for a walk, watch tutorials and learn how to knit, colour, read a magazine, anything productive that will keep you distracted until the feelings get easier to handle. I have have literally done all of these probably in the span of a day to keep my mind off a rocky relationship. Cry if you need to, maybe let some anger out by doing something physical, create something beautiful or sad or scary. First, let it out. Then, let it go.
You got this.