So some of you may have noticed I was visibly absent from the #BellLetsTalk discussion. There is a simple explanation to this: I was helping a friend in need and away from any and all social media for a few days. But I don’t think the discussion should start and end on this one day a year.
This friend of mine is dealing with a loved one who’s status is considered palliative, and she is the sole caregiver. She picked me up in a cab from the hospital around 2:00 AM earlier this week so that we could begin getting her place in order for her loved one to come home to die. We ordered food from one of the only restaurants open at that hour and chatted about his fate and what was to come. As she ate her first meal of the day, since during these times of crisis we often forget our most basic needs, I told her my experiences with death and the loss of a loved one.
This in hindsight wasn’t the smartest thing to say but I told her that the hardest part for me was getting over the ‘ever’. In my experience, my mum died around midnight, and when I went home that night I sat on the couch staring into the distance until 8:00 AM and tried to wrap my head around the fact that I would never, ever see her again, and she was never, ever coming home.
My friend started to sob. I felt awful. How could I say something so insensitive during this very sensitive situation? I later that day was on the phone with my dad and I told him about my indiscretion, and he said “You know what though? The memories last forever too“. I thought this was so beautiful, and I told it to my friend in hopes of a little redemption and to maybe console her a bit.
So as I said in my previous post, take your time in mourning. Everyone does it differently and there is no right or wrong way to mourn. There are definitely destructive and productive ways to mourn, and I hope you find the differences in these but our process is unique to us and we all need to go through our own stages of mourning.
As for the #BellLetsTalk… No they didn’t get 5 cents from me this year, but you can bet I’m going to keep the conversation going. If your mourning and finding it difficult, if you’re not and just need help, please reach out. No burden is less than anyone else’s. We all need validation and to be heard through our struggles.
Love you all dearly,